Disclaimer: Damien Toddler is a totally fictitious person, an invention.

To anyone who is mentioned in these animated monologues I apologise in advance if I have upset you, but you all make your living in the public domain of your own free will and we have to put up with your tedious out-pourings so I guess it's alright, otherwise I don't live in a Mini-cooper and Damiens grandfather doesn't exist in any recognisable form. This is because he - Damien - is a fiction.

Damien's art-works are crass because he is a Brit Artist and it is a self proclaimed world of sensation where the crass is valued, They don't represent any values or aspirations I have, I think they're awful. So don't blame me.

It does go on though, there are hours of it - I doubt any one has the stamina for it all. except of course me for whom it a constant source of joy - a freedom from the oppression of the soul delivered by the scramble for the nations sensibilities conducted in, presumably, desperation by the nations artists and institutions.We mustn't after all forget the 'bottom' line. So feel free not to go on or leave whenever you want to. If you have any complaints email the White Cube gallery. Don't apply for a Toddler award unless you know Sir Nicholas Serota or Bernard Leach or of course Damien himself. Some of it's very rude so if you are of a delicate disposition then perhaps it's not for you